Tag: faith

I’ve changed my mind about empowerment, here’s why

On By JamesIn Context, YouthworkLeave a comment

Can we have a conversation about empowerment please?

Because, well I thought I knew what empowerment was. And I did, I knew what empowerment was.

In Theory.

But what I didnt know was what empowerment actually was. Until I felt it. Until I experienced it.

Cutting aside the conversation of the theory of empowerment and the word itself for a moment. Yes its all about power.

Can I get to the gist of it?

Can I be completely honest with you for a moment – please bear with me.

Ive got to admit a few things.

One of them

Is that even if I thought or said otherwise there’s a part of me that wanted to have some credit for helping a young person.

Or.. I wanted it to be that ‘my faith in Jesus, and Jesus’ actions through me’ helped the young person in the Youth work practice.

And… secretly I wanted the young person to give me some credit for this.

I wanted to be the person who met the young person in the midst of the mess and helped them up – and maybe unknowingly wanted them to be dependent on me, or give me credit for being there ‘to fix them’

Was that ever empowerment?

Some of it was in the name of ‘developing a purposeful relationship’ with the young person – meet them at a point of need, then hope that in the long term in the conversation there is some ‘faith’ conversation… after all this was the purpose wasn’t it?

So that the young person could look back on me as some kind of hero, or helping support at the very least.

Now, being kind on myself, funding applications that kept me in a job also encouraged this.

Wanting me to justify how ‘Youthwork provision’ changed and transformed young people – creating better outcomes, enabling some kind of change. Which is great, but the tendency to want to find the story, and also find the quotations from young people to say that the project, the organisation could take some credit for it.

What does this do to the young person? If they truly did ‘change’ in any way – what does this do to their sense of esteem, sense of purpose, and their own development.

Does it enable them to see their own strength that brought about change or to only see themselves as being rescued (or somewhere in between)

Up until 2019, I had barely given any thought to my own ’empowerment’ journey. I was a survivor, strong exterior, able to cope with anything. My own youth work experience as a young person was littered with structured organised groups like scouts and swimming club, and yet I had received significant support from an older couple who were my church youth group leaders.

Empowerment wasn’t a word I knew. I was on the run. Afraid. If you’ve read my other blogs you will know that my childhood was full of significant emotional abuse, that was impossible to articulate, but I was in the midst of. And I can say now that I was a bundle of raw emptiness that was searching for belonging, and found it in my local church.

And this is largely where I stayed, in the midst of the church community in a variety of forms, people pleasing to appease my parents, staying in the ‘fold’ , doing further study for my own sake (but also to make them proud) .

I was a mess. A bundle of emotional mess, and it was about to fall apart.

What I didnt know is that I was about to go on my own empowerment journey.

Firstly I had to be vulnerable. And at times I still know this is the best way. Thanks Brene Brown.

I had to ask for help – after trying to be the strong one. The alternative was homelessness. Asking for help, meant asking a friend if I could stay at their house.

I was in need of the basics. Safety, Food, Water, Sleep. Maslows bottom rung of the pyramid.

My friend gave me my own room, I had to go and buy new bed sheets, duvet, pillows and a towel. (again if you have read my other blog you will know why I couldn’t go and knock the door at my parents)

I needed. I was at a very low point and I had to be vulnerable.

I had reconciled to myself that I was going to learn what I needed to learn from the experience, and that I was going to have to face realities of suffering, and not avoid them.

After a short while I gathered people around me, a support group if you will. I remember many times asking these people ‘what should I do’ – and trying to work out what was going on.

At first it annoyed me that they would say ‘its your decision’ or ‘I’m not going to advise you – you have to decide what you are going to do’

It annoyed me because I didnt want to take responsibility, I didnt feel I was capable of making decisions, big or small. But I soon got it. Or at least expected the response.

I had to make decisions. I had to do things for myself. One way or another. I was being empowered, and my friends stuck by me if if they didnt always agree with the decision I had made. Which felt a little strange at the time I admit.

It meant that I, now, a few years later, can look back years, weeks and months and know something about what empowerment is.

Yes I needed a short term sticking plaster – my immediate needs were shot. I had barely nothing. On the first night I arrived my friend took me out for a meal at the pub. Honestly I felt like a warm blanket was being wrapped around me. I was safe.

But gradually, month by month, I began to grow. From the darkest deepest point. I didnt want to feel indebted, but I deeply appreciated and was grateful.

Amongst many things I learned what empowerment truly is. Or at least, I had now received the experience of the kind of support that enabled me to see that I had to make decisions and choices and make the decisions about what kind of life, what kind of person , what kind of future I wanted.. miniscule step by step.

Empowerment wasn’t about advice giving. It wasn’t about being rescued.

It was about being safe, feeling heard, listened to and loved.

It was about being given the tools to slowly fly.

It wasn’t about swapping one type of dependency, with another.

It was something that enabled me to make steps foward, one by one, one emotional, physical, spiritual, mental step at a time.

Empowerment, like Darren McGarvey says in the end of Poverty Safari, enabled me to take appropriate responsibility for myself, and not play victim to circumstance.

Empowerment even from the midst of nothing was to be able for me to grasp the something. Not necessarily to be given it easy on a plate. Actually I didnt want easy. Easy was avoidance.

Empowerment for me also meant dignity. I may have needed and appreciated being looked after, but I also wanted to discover how I could look after myself with the newly discovered resources.

I get how a conversation about responding to poverty and peoples needs needs to look upstream to the causes, instead of just providing a sticking plaster, churches getting tired with always responding. But, even for the individuals being helped? is it a small step to empowering someone, or maintaining a dependency?

Not for the first time in the last few years, ive had to reconsider what I thought I knew because I ended up up having to experiencer it for myself. God its painful when that happens, but that pain is so worth it. What does empowerment mean to you? What might it mean for your practice of serving? What might it mean as you give a food bank package, or welcome someone in a warm space?

There are causes to poverty and they can be challenged. There is helping people and that is needed. But what does it truly mean to empower people out of the poverty they find themselves in… so that they know that they, like I can know that they were able to do it and realise it themselves?

Might accessible church be good for all?

On By JamesIn Context, Discipleship, Mission, Youth ministryLeave a comment

I was at a workshop today, in which the following list was created, can you guess what it was about?

  • Keep in Simple
  • Use multi sensory activities
  • Form a good relationship – connect
  • Make sure the length isn’t too long
  • Value quality over quantity
  • Ensure inclusivity
  • Share Gods love
  • Keep things familiar
  • Make it about heart and not just head knowledge
  • Value ceremony and sacred
  • Dont patronise
  • Give roles so that they are involved
  • Appreciate the interruptions, it might be Gods voice
  • Value understanding and listening
  • Have a clear structure
  • Create opportunities for serving and using gifts
  • In the Socialisation after ask open questions

and to make it easier for you..this one…

  • Ask the folks about hymns and subjects that they like

What do you think?

What might be this list about?

And maybe…what kind of workshop did I go on today?

Yes that’s right, you guessed it.

I went on a workshop about how to make church services accessible to young people, it was great, we talked about participation, giving responsibility and ownership, giving space for young people who might struggle with limited attention, behavioural issues like ADHD, about valuing their voice and interruptions, about the varied ways of learning, using bodies, using senses, not just minds, about being present and ensuring a good welcome.

It was just fabulous.

Only.

It wasn’t was it.

Sadly it wasnt about young people at all.

This list was about how to make worship accessible to older folks in care homes, led by the chaplains at Methodist homes association.

Oh.

It was about being accessible, inclusive, participatory, sensory, gentle, relational, challenging but not patronising, meaningful and respectful, responsive and also planned, with adults in a care home setting. How to respond to interruptions of their body functions, illness, about keeping things familiar , about encouraging it to be a space where they could have dignity and join in appropriately, it was about recognising the need for safety, for volunteers, for it to be about heart, and head.

What if this was what church was like….normally?

Why isnt it?

Why does the care home get all the good church services?

makes me think that I can’t wait to be old.

If church can be participative and accessible in the community setting of a care home (with all the inspection, guidance, social control, policies) – then why cant it be like this in its own setting? And yes sometimes it is…

If you were to ask young people about how they would want to make church more accessible to them – so many of these things would be said. In fact this is what research showed a few years ago.

In that piece I shared that from the research by Fuller , these were the headlines…in 2017..

When I look at the way in which the examples of church are described in ‘Here be Dragons; Youthwork and Mission off the map’ (2013) – they are all very similar – youth congregations in community settings with a space to worship that they have ownership, participation, serving, ceremony, sacredness, community and giving – also inclusive and open, with public facing and interruptions. Not unlike the care home.

I just found the similarities fascinating and revealing today, so I thought id share them with you.

Because…young people are just people after all….- and accessible church might be good for everyone…mightn’t it?

A Theology of Human Kind-ness (part 1)

On By JamesIn Book Reviews, Context, Discipleship, Mission, Theology, Youth ministryLeave a comment

I’m barely jumping on a bandwagon here, but maybe quietly over the last 4 weeks, 6 million copies of a non fiction book have been sold across the globe. If it wasn’t for the vast amount of literature written by black authors it would sit high in the NYT best seller list. And when you get to ride trains again it will be up there on the WHSmith shelves.

And that Book is HUMANKIND, by Rutger Bregman (2020)

And I have so far written four pieces on it. I’m clearly a fan.

As well as how it describes, deconstructs, predominant psychology, media and sociology on the nature of Humanity, he has much to say that needs to be considered from a theological basis, that I believe we need to take seriously, and certainly, not as some might do, instantly reject. This post will look at the sections in the book that demand considerable reflection in light of the biblical text and view of ourselves.

Bregman opens with the thesis of a view of human kind that is legitimised by every branch of science, but ignored by religions and ideologies, the news media and erased from the annals of world history.

That most people, deep down, are pretty decent (p2)

On page 17, Bregman writes that a negative view of humanity, (that humans are innately selfish) has a hallowed tradition, from Nietzche, Freud, Hobbes and others, all had a view of humanity that was steeped in a veneer theory that when scratched underneath the surface we are all selfish.

This view is also permeated by early days, writes Bregman, Augustines view of Original Sin ; ‘No one is free from Sin’ he wrote ; ‘not even an infant whose span of earthly life is but a single day’ (Bregman, 2020, p17), and this has continued in the church, Bregman highlights the protestant catechism in 1563) which informs us all that Humans are ‘totally unable to do any good and inclined to do all evil’ (Heidelberg Catechism, 1563). Its not only the protestant, but the Orthodox too. And Bregman describes how this negative view of man is perpetuated by enlightenment figures (no doubt influenced heavily by the religious context of the day also) – that include Darwin, Machiavelli, Huxley, and maybe shockingly but not necessarily shocking for its day, Philosophist Herbert Spencer who suggested that ‘the whole effort of nature is to get rid of (the poor) to clear the world of them, to make room for better’  (Bregman 2020,18)

So – early Historic Christianity upheld a negative view of Human kind – What other aspects of the Christian faith does Bregman reflect on? 

Well, actually, that’s it. Thats his one idea. It doesnt need to get bigger or more than this.

It is the principle that Humans are good.

and this is big enough, dont you think?

What he then does is provide an anthropic, historic and realistic view that this is actually the case. And where and why things have gone wrong, if humans are indeed better that we thought they were (including why we dont think humans are indeed as good as we think they are) . What Bregman does, anthropologically is also provide a view on the origins of religion within the context of the history of Man, a view that should or could have far reaching impact on how we might view the words of scripture. If we are open to it.

So these good humans.. has it always been this way ?

I’m not here going to take on creationism. And if you hold this view rigidly, you’re basically reading the wrong blog anyway. But say for arguments sake, there were a number of different Homo species on the earth, as many archaeological digs have discovered. One Species, Homo sapiens, remained, why, not because of war or fighting (there are no cave drawings of warfare) , but more, survival of the friendliest and the mimics.

For Bregman, this early group of Humanity was nomadic, survived in communities, had flat authority, shared, and communicated across ways. And this continued for 3-4000 years.  (Bregman p84-96)

War does not go backwards in time, it had a beginning.

This is no summary on the history of war. But, theologically, it has to do with the emergence of the human view, and the necessity of the concept of sin. Because, at that point, a group of people, though not angelic by any means, had considerable collective decision making, processed for ostracising the lazy or bullies and working in communities to live, love and survive. By being friendly and cooperative. A snuggle, rather than struggle for survival. (not my line, but Bregmans)

Its possessions that caused changed.  Land.  A Land that was plentiful, notably between the Nile and Tigris, didn’t necessitate travel, but settlement. As soon as the first human said ‘this is mine’ did problems start.

Only after then did wars break out. Its when cave paintings depict war. We distrusted people outside of boundaries, and had something to fight over. Strangers banded together not cooperatively, but for war. Leaders were needed. Its this time the Bible is writing about and documenting, not the time before. Not quite, anyway.

Bregman quotes Samuel who warns the Israelites about War and accepting a king.

As Bregman remarks, its funny that the view permeates that cavemen were brutish and civilisation was the great peace enabler. It was the other way around. But history is written by the most recent?

The Fall Story, Bregman tentatively suggests, could indicate a shift in agricultural thinking and community gathering. The settled life was far harder than the nomadic one (p103) . And women were harder hit, as they were viewed as a commondity to the settled farm hand, rather than integral to the entire nomadic operation as before.

A settled life brought other frailties. Such as disease. We lived nearer our own waste. Yeah, grim. But true. Towns became Petri dishes for disease. STI’s were also now rampant. And with that came a greater desire for female virginity especially as the leader had his choice of 100’s of women.

‘Hence the idea, still upheld by millions today, that sex before marriage is a sin’ (Bregman, p104)

When things started to go wrong, it was better to have someone to blame.

And so, that’s where Gods came in.  Gods were enraged by our behaviour. From foods, thoughts and behaviours all were under the microscope as reasons for disease or actions for penance.

‘For the first time in history, we developed a notion of sin’ (Bregman, p105)

Even though this new settled life was full of issues, there could be no going back. Settled groups had made barriers and so, they themselves couldn’t move or were frightened of the outsider. Trapped in their own cess pool of religious deference.

And larger groups meant communication was trickier too.

Humans had to collect around other groups that encouraged a unity and purpose, from villages of up to 1500 people on the move, to now, thousands settled. Religions, organisations had the task of communicating guidelines, morals and principles so that larger numbers of people adhered to them, adhering to invisible mythical organisations like, for example ‘the church of England’ .

Its in his chapter 11, ‘How Power corrupts’ , that Bregman highlights the use of religion and their myths as a form of communication and control.  How people had to be friendly to be popular in a group to become leader, but that power corrupts them to keep them there. Its one answer to his question why have good decent people elected and chosen leaders who are often corrupt, sociopathic and damaging.

In this chapter, though, Bregman goes personal.

Describing that how as a teenager he wondered why a creator God cared about human beings and our mundane things, so intimately in what might be some kind of Big Brother, evil eye kind of way. As he went on to describe quite simply a large population in a settlement couldn’t keep an eye on each other, people needed a force that could do that for them (Bregman, p234) . The God of the bible that can count hairs.

And though prehistoric man had myths and religions, and evidence of temples that they build without the collective sacred myth that was more stable, they then were able to remove leaders who were corrupt or ostracise them, and be skeptical. But add war and weapons and it becomes much harder to oust the leader. (p237)

This one premise of Human kindness, then asks us to re look at the Bible, on the basis of not what the bible contains and its truth or otherwise, but why actually the bible and religion was needed/created in the first place. What it does is set the human context of the bible, and how the development of civilisation affected the way in which those writing the bible were affected.

But is Bregman right?

It a fascinating proposal and if we take a view that Humans a more decent and kind than we have been led to believe, then it might mean a different reading of the bible itself, and especially the aspects that consider moral behaviour.

Maybe its worth thinking, ‘ What kind of view of Humanity does the Bible have?’ and… do different writers think differently. What we do know, and have some certainty of is that Biblically we were created good, and the incarnation is an act of valuing humanity as Jesus became fully man.

I think Ill leave this for now… this was going to be one blog, but ill split it into 2 or maybe 3.. the next one will be later in the week.

What about the Human condition – might we be better than we think? and Is it Theological?

Often how surprised are churches and leaders by the kindness of others having written them off?  What is going on there..

And what changes as a result…

What do you think?

Stillness in the storm

On By JamesIn Context, Discipleship, Mission, Theodrama1 Comment

For the last 5 weeks I have been ‘hosting’ a period of silence on my live on facebook page, on a Wednesday at around 7pm, and on most days during the lockdown ive given silent space to do the morning or evening prayer from there Celtic prayer book.

A space to be truly still.

A space in which the newsfeed stops.

Silence is dangerous dont you think?

Makes you confront the reality.

Makes you begin to heal.

Silence.

Theres a busyness that distracts.

Have you comprehended what silence might mean over the last 8 weeks?  Could you cope with it?

Even in the ‘lockdown’ have you embraced the constant busyness? And I know, for many that’s not been a choice, for many others the lockdown is about survival and finding the next meal. I know.

Comforting old TV, Netflix, zoom quizzes, …have you stopped at all? Kept busy, kept going.

trust me, I know it well. Ive avoided dealing with the shit in the past, because I kept busy, and I told you all. My reality was hitting me fast that year.

What kind of thinking and feeling have you allowed yourself to do – in the space you might have had?

Silence is dangerous.

Silence is cheap.

Silence doesn’t buy a Netflix upgrade.

Silence doesnt take.

Silence gives.

Take a breath. Go on. Beautiful Human you.

honestly. its ok.

Stop.

Let the silence speak.

Silence may teach you more than noise ever will.

Silence may show you.

Let it.

Feel the you, be you.

Protect silence. Protect your time.

Be still.

Allow it of yourselves.

In the storm, Be still..

And yet the silence scares, the silence is feared. Must stay busy. Must avoid feeling guilty. Avoid feeling like im not doing anything.

And in that space realise who you actually are. Feel your heart beat. Listen to your soul. Confront the voices of unreason, and start to heal. Be the you you are created to be.

Love silence. Love yourself.

Let the divine be heard, deep;

 

 

‘In every one lies a zone of solitude that no human intimacy can fill; and there God encounters us’ (Brother Roger of Taize)

 

Sometimes the noise in the storm is worse than the storm itself.

Sometimes the noise is the storm we were meant to deal with all along.

 

 

There is a contemplative in all of us,

Almost strangled but still alive,

who craves quiet enjoyment of the Now

and longs to touch the seamless

garment of silence

which makes

us

whole. (Alan Torey)

 

 

Loving ourselves, facing ourselves,

in an old world fighting to return

is to be still

to be.

Not to avoid the storm, but to be still in the storm.

Dancing in the rain is too distracting.

Dancing when we can finally, truly, be who we are.

Alive, beautiful human. Alive.

‘Be at peace, not in pieces’ (Paulo Coelho)

Celebrating Easter with gritted teeth.

On By JamesIn Discipleship, TheologyLeave a comment
I woke up with the question that though good Friday and Holy Saturday felt weird this year, both of the resonate much more closely with the pervading feelings of many at this time.
or put it another way, Im saying ‘Christ is Risen’ through gritted teeth, when 5000 of our friends and relatives have died in the last 2 months. And that’s just in the UK.
Easter Sunday feels weird.
But maybe no weirder than the first one. The stench of death hung in the air. The gruesome death of crucifixion pervading the landscape as the crosses were placed back in their dug holes. A permanent reminder of death. No escape from death then, its reality real.
No wonder the disciples were so full of Joy when Jesus arose. They danced and sang , and praised… for all of about 2 minutes…
Until they walked home confused from Jerusalem, doubted it at all, and took themselves back to the fishing boat. Confusion heaped upon loss of hope. The one who was denied, about to seek vengeance? not only that, another reason to hide from the authorities, to be scared, authorities on the body hunt, wanting answers.
Questions filled the sky more than answers, but that had been the way of the journey with Jesus for the disciples until now, took them to their innermost thoughts, and let them wanting to know, discover and live in the more. That Jesus didn’t stay in the tomb raises so many more questions.
And if we stop asking them, we might miss out altogether even more.
Paul Ricoeur writes the following (quoting Moltmann), and it was what I found on my search this morning:

‘The Resurrection is not only an event of the past, is not only a manifestation of the sacred (as it was with the pagan epiphanies); it is an event that opens a new future and reinstates the promise by confirming it. Resurrection is the sign that now the promise his for all persons; its meaning abides in the future, in the death of death, the resurrection of all from the dead’ (Ricoeur, Figuring the Sacred, 1995)

Now is the time to celebrate Easter, doggedly hopeful, and its ok to know that doing it through gritted teeth is more appropriate than ever. The first Easter was as disorientating and bewildering, and occurred with the same stench of perverse power, and death.

Young people; What would you like the church to do for you?

On By JamesIn Discipleship, Mission, Youth ministryLeave a comment

The original title of this piece was going to be ‘The Future of youth ministry..who decides?’  because it was what I was thinking about as I was reflecting on a number of conversations, conferences and meetings that I have been involved in the lot few months. They all seem to go like this:

We need to decide on our Aims and objectives and go from there

Young people aren’t attending churches, we need to ensure that there’s more faith taught at home

its great to gather a whole load of professionals into a room to decide how we might reach _______ people

Maybe our next step is to raise some funding for a role

We need to get back to the gospel

And however, worthy these conversations are, and they are many. Far too often, far too regular, the decisions about the future of any faith based ministry are conducted by the gatekeepers of the faith, rather than the participants and receivers of the provision themselves. The future of youth ministry is in the hands of those who benefit from it, survived it, became leaders within it, and are now invested in it maybe financially, or those who represent the agencies of faith – the church.

This occurs in the local and national levels. A charitable organisation, that delivered detached Youthwork in the north east of England only governed by church volunteers/clergy (organisation now closed btw) , a charity deciding on its future direction has only clergy making decisions, all influenced by other factors, and not the 1000’s of young people whom it has met with in the last 20 years. By the way, this isn’t new.

As Naomi Thompson illustrated in her expensive book, Young People and the church since 1900, churches made decisions on the future of Sunday schools based on a number of factors, but not one, was on the effect on the local community, or the long term of legacy of closing the door on swaths of the local community. Largely it was based on a retention statistic. If only 2% of attendees of Sunday school kept going to church, then Sunday school itself needed to be adapted. And, individual churches made a change. That statistic increased to 4% over the course of 30 years. Why? because Sunday schools stopped being available to everyone on a Sunday afternoon, and moved to Sunday mornings to be ‘creche’ for the church going families.  Churches didn’t change and adapt to accommodate the 2 million chidden in Sunday schools in 1900, Sunday schools changed to try and improve a statistic. And largely, this was achieved successfully, 🤔;

If an element of disharmony did exist between churches and Sunday schools, then the move to the ‘family church’ model provided a way for then church to seize power or even to sabotage or bury their affiliated Sunday schools. Cliff emphasises that Hamiltons observation that 80% of Sunday school members were from non church background were reversed when Hamilton died in 1977 to 80% from church backgrounds. This was not due to any growth and thus highlights the failure of there strategy to retain non-church young people. Cliff attributes this to the failure of the church members to become mentors (to non church families/young people) that Hamilton proposed. A church of England report (1991) report acknowledged, if viewed as an evangelistic tool, ‘family church’ was unsuccessful. However it argues that it helped to retain young people in churches longer (7 1/2 yrs from 6) and doubling the % of those children becoming church members 2.3% to 4.8%. Arguably these changes in figures were more likely due to the decline in numbers of non church scholars in Sunday schools, than any growth in actual numbers of young people attending church. (Thompson, N, 2018, p49)

A few things to note here. Family church was a reaction to a statistic and was catastrophic in changing the dynamic of Sunday schools, it was also strategically implemented by the church with no consultation to the Sunday school and… damningly, done to bury Sunday schools which churches wanted rid of. The Statistic was improved, but at what cost…. and did it focus the church on spending more time with the most likely young people… ? Though if in 1977 young people spend 7 years in Sunday schools… I wonder how long this is 43 years later…

The example is particularly telling in that for Sunday schools we could replace this with ‘faith based youth work activities’ that exist today. The gravitational pull can be exactly the same ; ‘how many of the 1000’s of young people do you see in school, ever come to church’ and if there are decisions to made about funding – what part might the same statistics play. Recent church attendance statistics have formed the basis of many a blog post and discussion recently.

Who decided the future of youth ministry /faith based youthwork in the UK?   – the reality is that the same culture of statistics and church attendance affects the decision making today – still 50 years or more on. The thing that has barely changed is the church. (there were guitars in churches 50 years ago- as if that makes a difference)

So – might we ask a different question – from who decides on the future of youth ministry – and leaders within holding the proverbial keys – might there be bravery and ask instead:

Young people ; what would you like the church to do for you?

For- the future of UK youth ministry is barely going to reside in the organisations and colleges, neither is on twitter on blog post clicks. If the church is actually serious about young people – it will bend over backwards to not only hear their voice but also make changes and receive young people as contributors. Maybe also the future of youth ministry is less about service to the organisation and its numbers – members – but about young people.

Its also the Jesus question. If the begging man, bartimaus is on his knees, and Jesus asks him this question out of respect – then maybe surely , if young people are cast at the powerless party in their provision- then maybe this is a better question, that trying to do something, and keeping doing the same something, or doing the same something but trying to be bigger than last weeks something. Without actually giving young people the same dignity and respect that Jesus actually would. Come to me he said.

What might young people want the church to do for them? 

And if they say to **** off, then fine. But why might they say that – what’s the hurt? 

And if they say – we want a safe space… then… create it with them?

And if they say – we want you to help us with changing the world – then develop this together

And if they say- can we just sit and chat – then bring out load of activities, games, talks and ……. no just sit and chat….

But what’s the point you say? will it preach the gospel? will it bring young people into church?  

Im just not sure numbers and statistics and strategy have the greatest of track records in their influence of youth ministry, and neither church as the destination or presiding decision maker in the process.  Maybe those that hold power need to give it away…

Dear Young people – there’s a few thousand empty church buildings in the UK, and a group of people in churches who have no idea that you even exist at times, and presume a whole load of things about you. But they do often mean well, and would love to begin listening, and have a building, and sometimes a heart and time – what would you like us to do for you?  Could you tell us what we could do, with you, to help your life be better, to develop your passions and gifts, to build a community where you and we feel safer, to respond to the things that you’re struggling with? 

We might be small – but could you trust us with your answer and be part of making it happen together? 

What if parents actually read the books Christian youth ministry encouraged young people to read?

On By JamesIn Book Reviews, Discipleship, Theology, Youth ministryLeave a comment

I thought I’d imagine a parent writing a letter to the local vicar about the newly published book ‘Under Construction’ (2019) by Neil O Boyle, national director YFC, its a brand new book, and a number of young people might be about to read it.

Dear Reverend/Pastor,

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter, you may not know me, but I am the parent of Harry, who goes to the youth group in your church hall every Friday night. Tell you the truth Harry loves it, and as a parent its great that he gets the chance to meet up with other kids his age, and not the same ones he goes to school with, I think he goes because he fancies one of the girls but dont tell him I told you. Anyway, the church thing is new to us all as a family, I guess we’re ok about it, were not religious at all, but sympathetic to it, it’ll help Harry growing up im sure.

Actually Reverend, there was something more I wanted to thank you for. I dont know whether you realised it, but Harry went with the youth group to a camp in the summer with the other kids in the youth group, he had a great time, there was a band on and he loved the music, said it was nothing like church (hope you dont mind me saying) and there were other adults there who were being cool and friendly, and Harry was impressed. So, thank you for giving him that opportunity. Theres another thing too, whilst Harry was there there was someone who gave him a free book and said it was about developing a deeper relationship with Jesus. Now as you might imagine, Harry spends most of his time on a video games, and even though he showed me at the time, a few weeks ago, I was sure the book would stay on the bookshelf.

To my surprise, and a bit like the Bible one of your volunteers gave him a year or so ago, Harry tells me how much he is enjoying the book, if you want to give your children a copy its called ‘Under construction’ by Neil O Boyle, as a parent I wholly recommend it. The change in Harry since he has been reading the book has been amazing, he used to not have any decent conversation over the dinner table about things, just shove his food down, and be sullen, but not any more, he’s offering opinion on things like abortion, sexual assault, child killing, bullying and asking us over the dinner table about how good our prayer life is, also about watching too many video games, saying that these things are wholly shameful and God wouldn’t want people to do these things.

To my surprise he’s asked me to give his copy of Grand Theft Auto to the charity shop, when I asked why, he told me that if he played it too much he might end up killing a child on a railway line. As a parent I am just so proud that he is making these decisions based upon such diligent thinking and consideration of the facts of such high profile cases in British crime history. If this is what this book has been able to do for Harry, then I am just so pleased.

I must tell you this, The other day Harry and his older sister Matilda were having an argument at the dinner table, Matilda currently has a boyfriend and they’ve been together 2 years, and Harry quite abruptly asked her whether she had had sex with him (the book told him that sex was for having babies) and whether she was going to save having sex for her future spouse, because that’s the most important relationship. Now, Im sure Harry didn’t mean to say it in such a judgemental manner, but Matilda reacted bad to this. As a parent we tried to love both of our children, and so we’re thankful that Harry has helped us out by saying this, yes he may have destroyed any relationship he has with his sister, but as a mum I couldn’t be more proud that he’s learning a new perspective and without any critical thinking using it to help his sister be shameful about her sex life, saves her father trying to say it.

So Reverend, I was intrigued, what was this book all about? Forgive me ( are you the confession ones?) , but I kind of had to know what this genius book was all about, so one day when Harry was at school, I thought I would go and have a read, after all its just a book not a diary isn’t it.

Well what a surprise I got.

You see, not only is it a book, but it has exercises and activities in it, and Harry had filled some of them in. I thought, should I look.. but, a book for teenagers and about christianity what is it going to have in it, draw a picture of Jesus or some kind of bible story quiz, but no Reverend, not at all.

This is why you need to get copies of this book to your children Reverend.

I know I shouldn’t have done it, but there were reams of notes written, as Harry, usually not that diligent in school according to Parents evenings, had completed the activities. I bet you want to know what they were. Ill try and tell you, because what I discovered shocked me at first, but then I realised that all the information would be great to use as bribery against Harry if I needed it, you know as they say, knowledge is power.

I just started with the activities and where Harry had written, at 13 he’s already realised that he needs to make big changes in his life, he’s drawn what the foundations of his life are, he has a series of dots to draw the nature of waves in his life (any ideas what the waves of your life are Reverend?) , and on page 38 described the things that make him panic, now, Harry has always been pretty chilled and nothing phases him, but like a good boy, he managed to write a few things, Donald Trump and Climate change, they are what makes him panic, and on page 62 he’s asked the same thing again, there seemed a lot on this.

On page 102 Harry was asked to write down the principles that guide his life, now I dont know about you Reverend, but I wasn’t surprised Harry left this blank to be honest, though he had a go at it.

Harry made a good job of drawing something that symbolises his exercise (a football, what else) , and then Harry described his prayer life – do you have any idea there Reverend, that my 13 year old has been asked to describe his prayer life, he said it was ‘fine, but not as good as the leaders he met at camp’.

I was so thankful too, that on page 119 and 120, I was able to read about the internal labels of shame, rejection, guilt and other that Harry says have carried around with him, all his life. I thought I knew everything about my boy, but when I discovered how he’s felt guilty for the death of our family pet dog, and rejected because he thinks his sister gets more attention, and shame because he masturbates and there’s been conversations about girls, underwear and porn at school, but at least now I know some of the things he is going through. And Im going to tell his dad later too. If you want to find out the inner shame of your kids, then this book is amazing.

You’re going to think this book is amazing aren’t you, well sadly reverend, I think there are some not so good points. I think its great that there’s just so many opportunities for Harry to write down all the areas in his precocious little 13 year old life where he feels he is a failure, feels guilty, feels like he needs to change, there’s even a section where he is made to feel so bad about one of the things, its likened to a weed, on page 135. Harry said his weed was ‘masturbating’ and he didn’t feel it would ever go away or be removed, it looked as though there’d been tear stains on the page. Well as a parent, if Harry feels so shameful about his body now, then its unlikely he’ll end up doing anything like his sister has. He’ll probably never get married or be able to talk about sex with anyone, and as a parent, that’s far easier to cope with.

Reverend, there is a bit on page 80 that might shock you if you gave it a read, no its not the stories of sexual assault, rape and abortions, no, they’re all told as if its the woman fault, and in this PC culture, its refreshing to have some traditional women shaming attitudes, men cant be at fault for their penis at all, and im glad now that Harry can grow up thinking that he doesn’t need to take responsibility for what he does with his penis, a relief, given that now that he’s so embarrassed by what it does.

No, the bit you have to watch out for, is a little section where Harry had the chance to rate how good Dave and I have been at being his parents. And the little shit, sorry, darling Harry, gave us a grade of only 7 out of 10, and for some reason, and I looked in the text, an anticipated grade of 8? what’s that about then – what’s Harry expecting? an Xbox for christmas, is that what he’s anticipating, well not now…

When I read the chapter it was talking about abuse in the family, and men and women having sex to have families, I thought that was a bit weird, I mean Harry is 13 not 8. He was told that some couples its painful to not have children and God wants people to be together to have children. Well that’s a bit awkward for Harry as his Grandad recently remarried, if he has kids at the age of 75 there’ll be a shock. In the book I read that following Gods instructions about what to do when there’s abuse in the family or a parent leaves us. Im just so glad Reverend that in the Bible there are instructions for Harry when this happens, can you tell me which book in the bible is specifically for 13year old boys and what to do if a parent leaves, im so thankful the bible is so specific and helpful.

So, yeah, keep a watch out for the family pages, you might get a shock, especially if you’re expecting a high mark, this book doesnt have much positivity in it, so be ready for a low score.

Before I go, I am going to need to ask you for some help Reverend, as I said in the beginning, I haven’t ever been to church, but I would love to be able to discuss some of the questions that Harry is about to read and know what is going on so I can at least help him. So would you mind getting back to me, I note that you have an MA in theology, and this book is being for 13 year olds, so I guess these are standard questions. So could you give me a few hints on how I might answer these questions please?

  1. What its the Hallway of my life? – Because I am asked whether Ive left Jesus there
  2. What is the MY version of the Bible, and can I get a copy of it, I used to have a bible with weird drawings in it, think it was the good news, but what’s the MY version?
  3. What might the dry rot in the walls of my life be, and Reverend, these affect how I view my life – so as a Parent Id like to know- and Jesus exposes dry rot, so can you tell me what’s going on there please?
  4. This one is in the book, Can you understand this reverend? when the storms hit your metaphorical house (your life) does the roof leak and cause further damage by the manner in which you panic, react or stress, or is the roof watertight because you find yourself able to draw close to God, whether you sense him or not and find his peace? Reverend can you explain this one please?
  5. Do people who wear provocative clothes have no self esteem Reverend? (Thats what page 75 says)
  6. Reverend, does your life have a dining room and has Jesus walked round in it?
  7. Whats your prayer life out of 10 Reverend? – just so I can help Harry know what the vicars score is and compare, thank you.
  8. Reverend, how might I respond to the question whether I have an undeniable weed growing in my life?
  9. Why is this book all about bad things, shameful things, about introspection for 13year olds – yet nothing about God being about love – like I heard at Harry and Meghans wedding? Its almost a completely different faith to that one?
  10. Lastly – Reverend – I notice there’s a whole load of assumptions and claims made in the book- about girls having abortions, about video games and that they lead to being a child murderor – is this kind of amateur reading of society to make young people feel shamed what I might expect more of in Harrys life? If so, ill keep the real study in our house out of bounds, I wouldn’t want him to actually think critically about these things or discover research, like my own psychology degree papers to challenge it.

So, thank you Reverend, its been a long letter I realise, and you dont hear from parents very often I guess, if you could help me out with these questions I would be grateful, this whole house thing seems a bit weird but if thats the basics in christianity for 13year old then I really am going to have to pick it up quick. Oh and the sex before marriage thing, try not to tell Harry that his older sisters date of birth was only 2 months after our wedding date, keep that a secret, otherwise my score will probably go down to 3.

Thank you again, as I said Harry loves the youth group. And this book is going to really help me to discover all his hidden secrets and fears, its like a dirty diary full of sex and shame, just let me know if he talks to you about it, I can even give you a heads up.

Your Parishioner

Joanne, Harrys Mum.

PS, there’s some resources for the youth group available, I think you should get the youth group to do them. They’ll be a nervous shame-filled wreck of a group, and dead easy to parent.

Oh, and reverend, I thought id copy a few pages for you, just so that you can see for yourself how good this book is.

(after contemplating these words the Reverends response is here  )

 

Why I’m thankful for Jose Mourinho leaving Man Utd a year ago

On By JamesIn Discipleship1 Comment

I realised that this week upcoming is particularly significant.

Its one year since Jose Mourinho was sacked as Man Utd manager and as a Man Utd fan, these things are significant.

Theres a number of significant events in my life that I can also remember when they were… because they happened on the same date or time as a Man Utd match, I can remember the date of my first kiss, it was the same date as Liverpool vs Man Utd in January 1994, the game ended 3-3, though united were 3-0 up in the first half. I remember the kiss too, fairly innocent, naive, cute and romantic. But, back to last year, as im not sure theres any more details of my teenage years you want to hear about…

Oh yes, 18th December 2018. The Mourinho Day. I got this news in the car park of the office of the Diocese of Durham at 10am or so. And it made me smile and pump my fist in the air and happy. The Mourinho days were dark days, football was dire, manager with narcissist syndrome. For me they werent the only dark days of 2018. But I remember that day, because I was heading to an interview for the job I love, and the job I have now, and its been a year. I think i got the job, because i was good at an interview presentation – tell you the truth I imagined the interview panel as a group of youthworkers that I was training, and my material was the presentation. It clearly worked. There was just enough endorphins running through my body from the sports news to get me through. I got back home and I was shattered though. A few days later I was told I was successful.

For 2018 had been a year in which I had gone for jobs, applied for others, and not got them, or got that far, this could have been one more the pile. One more where do I actually fit in the youthworker/manager/faith/community/institution spectrum in which i hadnt found somewhere at the time. Thank fully that issue solved itself on Mourinho day.

And at the same time of going for that job, I was also outside from my family home, having separated from my wife since the September before. If it wasnt for the sheer generosity, hospitality and friendship of someone id known 20 odd years, and who could house me free until i had a job, i have no idea where id be. However, thats not to contemplate, I’m grateful. So, whist in the midst of that, I was looking for jobs, and trying to recover from alot, and support around me was forthcoming, via social media and friends.

But on 18th December, I got that job. And its been a year this week since.

So, I have now been the Part-time Team Leader for Communities together Durham for a year, a year in which i have been well supported, managed and have the most amazing team around me who are deeply committed to responding to issues of poverty across the north east. Its no easy job, but it so fits with my skills, and at the time of quite serious emotional upheaval, has given me the flexibility, but also the opportunities to have purpose, grow confidence and rebuild. And through this job, and via the diocese I was also able to access professional counselling, which accelerated the rebuild, the self awareness, the ability to think, make decisions and see things, though am still sincerely indebted to friends for this too.

Because the emotional upheaval only continued, maybe that was predictable. And cut a long story short, until the point in June (after a lovely week in Tunisia) and having been back in the family home for 4 months, that I made the decision to end the relationship.

In July, after again, being in receipt to the most generous hospitality from a different friend (and now new work colleague) for a month, I moved into my own flat, my own home, and it so feels like that, my own home. I cried as the estate agent showed me round it.  And ive been here since July. I am 40 seconds walk from the sea, have lovely neighbours in the block, and am so enjoying cooking, playing my guitar and being able to get home from work, (though i work from home for all 3 jobs i have) and sit, reflect, and often do morning or evening prayer (northumbria community – i went on retreat there a few weeks ago) , and i feel that the flat, and that life itself has been granted to me as a gift. A new gift to treasure and open, to explore, to adventure and dream.

My old family home sold this week, moving on is happening and theres a new reality, routines getting used to. Some of you reading these words have met me in the last 2 or 3 years and would have no idea, and you’re right, you wouldnt. I was good at being closed. Even though some of my posts have shared some vulnerability, some things stayed guarded, and i am pretty good at talking to other people about them. Keep me off subject.

I have so much to be thankful for in 2019, I have so much to be proud of in such a good way. The old addage, what a difference a year makes is certainly true, the last few months has been a time to reflect back over the year, and consider how I got through it all. Theres triggers and awareness, emotions and reactions, only natural, but theyre all ok. For usually i realise quite how thankful I am to be who I am, where I am, to be active in the ministry I am, and loved and treasured by God, my friends and so many people. Life is good. Life is a gift, and i feel like I’m enjoying and appreciating every minute.

Jose Mourinho leaving Man Utd… I owe you one.

I have had easier years, and though theres been despair and desperation, theres also been genuine joy and happiness. I am due a very easy year, though I cant see that happening, theres at least a few challenges around the corner to deal with, and others im sure that I dont know about. So, my review of 2019 starts with a heartfelt thanks to the board of Man Utd for sacking Mourinho, but has a deeper heartfelt thanks to an amazing set of friends, colleagues and the many people who have supported me through this year. I will encourage anyone to go for counselling by the way, i will also suggest that we make space to talk about marriages, relationships and home lives with people more often. Maybe it was only me that was guarded about this before it had hit crisis point, though im not sure talking about marriages ever crops up at youthworker conferences or in supervisions… just a few observations.

Jose Mourinho… you have no idea. Oh, and I’m so glad you got sacked… the football at united is so much better… 😉

 

The Man you’re Made to Be (Martin Saunders, 2019) – A review

On By JamesIn Book Reviews, Discipleship, Youth ministryLeave a comment

Even though I met Martin at the National youth ministry weekend last week, my view of his book has increased in favour since, but not because i forgive him for not taking me out for a coffee, that boy Martin was pretty busy all weekend, and the conference was a good one… (;-))

Back to the book….

Martin has written an engaging, self deprecating at times, accessible book on 11 principle aspects of growing up male in the UK, from emotions, to sex (there was always going to be at least 1 sex chapter..) , about temptation, identity, adventure and a few other aspects, most of which are written with the christian faith in the background and sometimes foreground.

It is a book that has challenges itself to looking at the individual male, and the male in society who, if Martin is right, is almost determined to be a certain type (page xv) – and so attempts to be a counter narrative to this. Though this presupposes that young people aren’t critical of the culture they are in… and some really are.

The Man You're Made to Be

I like this book, though i think, i wanted to like it more, and yes thats even though it frustrated me at times. But i like it even more since the NYMW19 weekend.

The bits i liked

I liked it because Martin isn’t afraid to be personal, and at times real and maybe vulnerable, there’s plenty of personal references, of situations in his own childhood and teenage years, and quite crucially, if he points the finger elsewhere, its at the world of cinema, music or culture, and not a real person he knew or a real situation in a group of young people, this is to be commended. I read the book before I met Martin, though we had conversed via Social media, the book feels like he is having a conversation with you, its a casual chat about some important aspects of life, and comparing this to some of the equivalent books I read as a christian teenager (the teenage survival kit – anyone?), this is less a moral treatice on how to behave – but an encouragement to be a man, a real man growing up in the world and what that’s all about. Its not just about surviving a moment (teenage years) – but attempts to point forward – and ask – ‘what is it you’re made to be’? – and in addition, to have a gentle conversation about some of the alternative views of what being a man is all about.

I like the sense that Martin asks the questions, it is a conversation, and there’s encouraging advice (to reflect on your purpose, to give yourself some moments in silence) , and not necessarily assumptions (‘if you’re someone who, ‘if you’re the sort of person who…., ) , this may reflect that Martin hasn’t got someone in mind as the audience, or a more nuanced reality that he is leaving this a little more open, this is also reflected in that he doesnt make the assumption that the reader is a christian, or a type of christian – yet most chapters do have something about faith in it, and 99% of the time its about the Christian faith, and there’s a whole chapter about Jesus too, yet whilst this book isn’t going to achieve awards for Theological nuance, Martin brings into the conversation stories from the Bible to use as examples, in a way that he also uses his own stories, and movie storylines to reflect on, its what it is, and Martin is good at it. It makes for easy reading.

The bits I wanted to be better

The bits I wanted to be better, were that I just wanted such a book, written for young men, and as someone with a teenage Son, to have something in it that had something like an actual proof, or evidence, or even, references to places where young people could get other help. I liked the conversational tone, but if Martin had stated where such things as ‘the biggest killer of young men is suicide’ comes from, to give it weight. And that same weight, proof, evidence, could be included elsewhere, *and I know this is the kind of thing an academic would say, i realise, but if something as important as alot of what is said in this book, about emotions, about health, about then psychology and sociology, then to say ‘ this comes from research from ____’ – a point being that on a few occasions Martin references the Bible exactly (p61).. so it feels like an opportunity missed, big time.

The other thing, is that by the time I got to the end of the book (and I read it all) I started to get a little tired by the moments like this where Martin left the page and started talking to me, *if you’re reading this, its called breaking the fourth wall like this. And it just got a little irritating, maybe because it wasn’t that necessary, and then it sort of got a bit patronising, especially if i put myself in the place of a 15yr old boy reading it, definitely an 18yr old – because they might feel as if theyre not being talked to at that point..

But then thats another thing, I was trying to work out who the book is directed for…. if it was for young men who have been brought up in churches and christian homes – then theres a distinct sense in the book that each Bible verse and theme needs explaining – and yet many should be familiar to them, even a cursory look at many sunday school teaching materials and most of the stories are covered that Martin uses. Theres very little in the book about a purpose that doesnt involve God – and i will be critical here, if the whole premise of the book is whats said in the conclusion, that ‘The relationship (with God) is above all else , what you’re made for. If you embrace that, everything inevitably falls into place’ – seems quite a trite ending, and is the voice of someone who has had the privilege of now being able to look back (and recount stories of Hollywood) – but what if the young person reading this isnt feeling like ‘everything is fitting into place’ even though they have faith? – they could live in poverty, experience childhood alcohol abuse, be a young carer, and for many adults reading that sentence.. doesnt that suggest that Jesus is the answer? – yet as Martin also suggests throughout, there is work to do in life (like discovering being introvert, or reflecting on purpose, or other activities) … but then – in regard to audience.. is this said to affirm someone who is a christian (the target audience) or said to encourage someone? – given that Martin is tentative initially with faith references, he probably does have a broader audience in mind, but thats a bit confused then with the ending.

I’m glad Martin has written a chapter about Sex (which got all the attention when this book came out), im more glad that Martin has written a chapter about Women, about objectification of women, and how this is endemic (at least in the coffee shops Martin goes to), it may have been good to have a female voice included in this chapter, given that by the 9th chapter the boys reading it, might be interested in hearing it. I guess, also, there’s something Martin could say about women that isn’t said, though its to be applauded that he has written something that is targeted at boys that encourages them to think about equality, just not sure where they themselves go with this if they challenge their all male church leadership team… but hey.. that’s #churchtoo for you – and Martin steps a long way short of encouraging the boys who read the book to share platforms, or to stand aside in the youth group if there’s a girl who is more gifted..

There’s one other problem. I’m not sure whether Martin has written half of a good book. This one is the reactive one. Its as if Martin has looked at some of the issues facing young people today, rightly, and written a response to help young people navigate them, reflect and even grow as a man through them.

What would have been good, is actually, the good. I wanted Martin to suggest what might be good for young people *you mean use actual research that shows whats good for young people yes that. During the process of 2019, young people are taking to the streets in protest for good things, young people are volunteering in politics, young people are having a say- or wanting to. Maybe this could have been encouraged a bit more- and yes, even having a relationship with Jesus permits/encourages these… (As ive said in this blog, psychology suggests that belonging, competence and autonomy are good for us all, including young people, and developing these themes further may have developed the ‘what we’re created to be’ )

Though, I do, generally like this book. It is not without flaws *wittertainment reference for ‘the film podcast’ listeners, its heart is in the right place, and Martin is engaging, yes heartfelt, self depreciating and comes across real and honest. Its real and honest and tries to treat the young person reading it with respect, with a reality that life isnt perfect, and that he isn’t trying to tell the reader what to or not to do (p125) – and for this reason, easily, I would recommend it to any youth leaders who have 13-16 year old boys who might be interested in reading it, as a positive encouragement to thinking about being male, growing up male and being critical of the accepted messages about whats expected or accepted.

Martin Saunders – The Man You’re made to be (2019) can be purchased here:

I have amended my Review, in a previous version, I compared Martins Book, with Neil O Boyles book ‘Under construction’ which was given away free at Youthscapes weekend youth ministry conference. There is no comparison, Martins is light years better. However, whilst i retain an opinion that Under Construction is not just poorly written, potentially damaging and theologically all over the place, I should not have communicated this in the way I did. It does make Martins book look a whole lot better though.

 

#NYMW19 – A weekend of great conversations – but which important questions does youth ministry need to ask?

On By JamesIn Discipleship, Youth ministryLeave a comment

Its almost 48 hours exactly since I got back from Youthscapes (www.youthscape.co.uk)  National Youth Ministry weekend and so I thought I would put pen to paper on a few reflections from it, with a few added and notable caveats.

The first is that this was the first time I had attended an English Youth Ministry conference. yup. Well aside from YFC’s own staff jamboree, my own youth ministry journey was too embryonic to go to the early incarnations of youthwork the conference back in 1997, and from 2004-2012 I was in Scotland (and why travel to england..) and since being back in England I have largely gone to conferences that i have prioritised in terms of learning and specialism, or where i felt it would be important to have an input from a faith perspective, such as In defence of youth work, Federation of detached youthwork and a few others.  Though I did attend Deep Impact a few years running in Scotland.

The second thing, in terms of reflecting on the NYMW19 is that i spend the great total of 0 (zero) minutes in any seminar, talk or workshop. With the exception of three workshops that were being presented from the room that i was part of with my lovely colleagues at FYT. Ill include only a small part of this , as they will show more of these on the FYT website soon along with a few graphs and pictures (http://www.fyt.org.uk) 

So – what have I actually got to say about the National youth ministry weekend, if i wasnt at a seminar and didnt hear a single thing from the stage. Well maybe thats the point, what is the essence of a conference? How much is it directed by whats on the stages, or what happens in between?

The bits in between were fun.

Thats all i can say really. I was tempted to wear a T shirt that said

yeah, i did write that blog – sorry if it upset you

But then i realised that actually, though a number of other ministry leaders, organisation leaders, and twitter followers knew of this little blog of mine. 750 people at the NYMW really didnt. And i already knew this.

For, whilst the twitterati of christian youth work, some engage with these reflections, the reality for me is that i get far more responses from the more critical, more open spaces in ‘secular youthwork’ than the youth ministry world. If such a world exists.  Thats not to say that this has no impact – but bring 850 people involved in youth ministry into a room for a weekend, and id imagine that the echo chamber of those who engage in theory regularly, theology even, or who have the time to read the stuff i write, or know about it, or search it out is few. But that didnt stop the fans of this blog searching me out. (blushes) .

The other reflection – is that there are many people who i would regard as being important in the conversation about youth ministry – who were absent from the conference, and some are very important – whether DYO’s, Clergy, Bishops even, representations from other denominations, and not many people involved in christian charities such as YMCA’s and very few from YFC – two from different ends of a youth ministry/work spectrum, but largely absent in the conversation.  Is youth ministry so confident in itself that it has any clout to speak to power, and those who make powerful decisions that will affect the future of churches working with young people in the UK. Because, if it isnt doing that, its merely speaking to itself. (which i know is also a criticism of the echo chambers of social media of which this blog is a part)

But what of the question… what of UK youth ministry in 2020?  or the long term 2030?

What is it going to be able to do – if the organisation it serves.. the church is 11 years further into the decline its currently in – and youth ministry itself hasn’t got much of a track record of stemming this overall tide – and churches themselves are recruiting family and youth workers, community and youthworkers (with more of a missional/outreach focus),. Has the church given up on youth ministry or young people? And if not – what is the core of youth ministry and what has it got to say? – if its discipleship.. have we even thought about what this is, and how this occurs? And – what about youth ministry and theology, and worship, church, mission, spirituality, poverty and faith, and then – what about thinking about youth ministry and other disciplines like sociology or psychology, all are important. At least I think they are.  These conversations need to happen not just in the centres of academia. Young people are far too important to not do this.

Having a conference next year is one thing. Systematically putting young people right at the heart of the UK church’s focus is another, and not just to save the church – but to enable communities to flourish too.

However, It wouldnt be unusual for me to get sidetracked down a rabbit hole of reflective purposeful questions, and yet at the same time say that I really enjoyed the weekend, but thats probably because I love having conversations with people, and there were 100’s of them in the FYT room and in the market place area, conversations that went deep, conversations about critical aspects of youth ministry, conversations where I learned things, conversations with others who are in the midst of the challenge, the midst of trying to do some great youth work, conversations with other ministry leaders and friends, and these conversations are completely life giving, energising and positive.

Honestly – I genuinely loved the weekend – it was great to catch up with and meet so many people – far too many to name. But does having a fabulous weekend, mask some of the difficult questions, and conversations that need to happen?

And gathering 850 youth ministry people – what conversations do they think need to happen – is there space to hear and listen as a process?  or are they to be sold ideas too?

Ultimately youth ministry (like youthwork) itself is a conversation anyway, shaped by those who experience it, see it and narrate it, so did NYMW open up new conversations, or shut them down, do the difficult ones need to be asked in the next few years, and work towards the responses. So, yes i loved the weekend, yes i love the conversations, but then again, you know i love a good conversation, whats important is that the conversations continue, and not just on twitter….