Tag: conflict

5 tips for Detached Youthwork, from Street Photography.

On By JamesIn Context, Detached youthwork, Youthwork2 Comments

Over the last few months ive been intentionally out and back on the streets again.

But not as a detached youth worker, instead going out with a camera and learning, slowly the art of street photography.

And I love it.

I love the interaction with people. I love the sense of the in between space. The context. I love what it brings out in me.

I love observing.

I love also how its given me a new way of seeing the world – or should I say, its given me an avenue to develop what I loved so much about doing detached youthwork.

I want to share with you a few themes that are beginning to emerge for me, some of the lessons im learning at the moment, which might be useful for you if you’re out doing street based youthwork.

  • Know your Intention

With a Camera, I have to be sure of why I am there. It would sinister to try and hide what I am doing, it would arouse suspicion. I may be able to say this in a few ways, and I am genuine with folks when I say I am learning, trying new skills. I have had people already ask me if im surveying for film locations..

You are going to be asked why you are there. Whether a street photographer or detached youthorker.

Be confident in what you are doing. If you’re not confident, then ask why.

I liked this video by George Holden explaining this, you might like it too.

For detached youthwork.. know why you are there, and ensure that all of your team are there for the same reason. Its important…

  • Smile and be light

Especially when there’s any confrontation. For me, there is no photo in the world that I could take thats more important than damaging someone else’s day by taking a photo that they didn’t want me to do so. It’s important to be a good human. To look as though I am enjoying myself, smiling and having fun. Im one of the performers on the street as the stage. Today I was asked by some security guards about my photos, they have every right to ask, they are doing their role in the streets too.

Also, Smile and give feedback, ive told people that they make a nice photo, and thank them. Most people so far enjoy this.

I can look back and realise quite how much I wasn’t in a smiling place during much of my detached work…. it was a job, it was a profession, it meant a lot to me, and it was an escape.. not the best I know.. Im so enjoying smiling and interacting with people in this way.

  • Mindfulness.

Yup. I have noticed that when I make judgements of situations with a camera I am less ‘in the moment’ to take a photo – my mind has made up stories of situations. A classic example was a few weeks ago, there was a black gospel choir singing – and a white man preaching in Newcastle. My mind had gone to all sort of places in terms of making judgements on this in terms of power and race. Some or none might be valid, but all took me away from my actual intention, and away from being present.

The street, and people are what they are. It is a place full of colour, activity, noise, drama, unpredictability, and none of it needs to be judged, it can be enjoyed.

Im reminded of how easy it was to ‘make up stories’ about groups of young people on the streets – what they might be doing, activities, previous experiences, and not be able to stay in the present, in the moment. Mindfulness. The present is the important place. Thats where the interaction happens.

  • Bursts may be better than Exhaustion.

Ive found that I can walk and take photos for hours without realising it, I used to walk the streets around a city doing detached youthwork for 2-3 hours without a break. What im finding is that im more concentrated and present in shorter bursts, so grabbing a coffee or a break helps. Often in a city I seem to naturally find a space away from people for a while, today I found Manors railway station and took some photos there for a while, a few weeks ago in Whitby I walked down the harbour, away from the crowds for an hour. Leaving to come back can give fresh eyes. refocus the mind.

  • The Context plays a Part.

Today I practiced taking photos with the context in the frame. A lamppost, bin, bollard, edge of building, railing, as part of the frame and photo, giving the context a part in the photo. I talked about context a lot previously – do look up those pieces on the categories tab. The day of the Kings coronation brought some crowds to Newcastle , on a bank holiday the tourist were in force in Whitby… these all shape the context – and the streets, city, suburb, rural all have a different effect on communities of young people.

Just a short piece, on What im learning from the Streets… as a street photographer, and how this might be useful in detached youthwork too. There is probably a few more other things too.

How did unhealed Trauma affect my Youthwork?

On By JamesIn Youth ministry, Youthwork, Youthwork managementLeave a comment

I can honestly say that all of these affected my youthwork practice, they were going to, they affected my whole life.

The strange thing was that I thought all of these things were normal.

And that there was no way of not having all of these.

But that’s what Trauma did to me.

Thats what being brought up by a psychopath did to me.

So. How did my youthwork suffer?

I avoided risks at times. I became paralysed and stuck in situations, over thinking them to the extreme. I still do this, a bit, but nothing like what I used to do

I feared the worst. I was cynical.

I wanted and needed external validation, from safe people. Yet, avoided the limelight at others. Though, what I also realised that in abusive relationships this didnt happen.

I put others needs ahead of my own, thinking it was Biblical and ethical.., but in fact it was detrimental. The fact is, that I didnt even know my own needs. I couldn’t even articulate them.

I avoided accountability, because I didn’t want someone else to ask me the questions. I had to keep a barrier. And if they did id articulate good theoretical questions out of it

And dont talk about boundaries. I had none. I didnt even know what boundaries until I learned about healthy ministry in 2017, and that was to teach others. I was an open door.

I think in my personal life and relationships the aspects that were also apparent were the non dealing with conflict, low self esteem, shame, and tolerating abusive behaviour from others. That was part of my internalising self, not seeing abuse whilst still in it.

And no I wouldn’t stand up for myself. Couldn’t at times. I felt as though I had nothing to defend or protect. I was there just for others.

Im not going to talk about Codependency here much, but I so though that ‘fixing’ people, ‘rescuing them’, over empathy and trying to meet their needs was normal, and the right thing. My codependency saw this as the place to be happy, writing this now and I realise how trauma was affecting me. But how also my upbringing, and faith, had sustained it too.

(Ive written more on Codependency here, Is Codependancy an issue in Youth Ministry ? )

In my last piece I described how I realised that unhealed trauma affected my youth work. I hope in this piece to share a little bit of how.

What about you, do you recognise any of the aspects above? Can you trace any of your current behaviour on trauma that may need to be healed?

It can be done, trust me on this, and it is definitely worth it, the earlier the better too, dont wait until the life crisis to sort it out, you may well avoid a life crisis by doing so now.

How might trauma be affecting you? The best thing you can do for yourself, your young people, your family, is to deal with you.

Bullying happens in churches, and its another reason why youthworkers leave.

On By JamesIn Youth ministry, Youthwork management2 Comments

‘Are you sure, after all, Christians are all, well, nice- arent they?’ 

‘that sort of thing couldnt happen in a church.. could it?’ 

Last week I wrote a piece on ‘Why do Youthworkers leave churches’, which got a bit of a reaction.  The Key factors in the process of when somebody leaves a role in a church, and in reality, in any form of work, is that it is either down to the person doing the job, or the conditions in the workplace.  And so, it might be worth a discussion about whether ‘working’ for a church, or christian affiliation/organisation is ‘like any other job’, often it isnt.

If you want to re-read the piece on youthworkers leaving churches it is here: ‘Why do Youthworkers leave the church?’

As a reminder, what that piece said boiled down to a difference of vision and mission motivation – youthworkers wanting to take risks, congregations settling for well being settled, issues around management ( and ive written about this often), the drift to the green grass of the parachurch, the vocational drift to the vicar school, and finally burnout, when the youthworker runs out of ideas, passion, energy, and confidence.  So some of these relate to the youthworker themselves, and others its the setting and organisation.

Over the weekend, at the general synod, a large gathering at the church of England, along with a vote on transgender inclusion, much discussion was on the conditions of work for clergy, and also putting things in place to help with them, in terms of pastoral support, counselling and building on their networks and resilience. On one hand, it is good to have a discussion about support and resilience within clergy, and as well within youth workers. However, what resilience can end up being is putting the onus of finding the support to cope with the culture and structure on the individual person. The culture and structure in effect gets a ‘get out of jail free’ card. The yolk and burden rest on the worker to cope.

However, this is not a post about resilience.

This is a conversation about something that didnt appear in that previous post. It is about the reality, that even in places of Christian ministry that people can be bullied, emotionally abused and hounded out of workplaces. That people can suffer within places of ministry that are to ‘support and love’ others, but treat employees and workers with nothing short of the kind of behaviour, that in an office would go before a tribunal, a union or a grievance procedure. The kind of behaviour that actually no amount of ‘resilience’ strategies is likely to be able to cope with.

in short, people leave christian ministry because they are bullied out of it. And can be a reason why youthworkers leave churches. 

And there might be a myriad of reasons why this happens.

But they are all the responsibility of the organisation, its culture, its expectations, its actions and also its policies, governance and values. As well how personalities drive cultures to acceptable behaviours, and if personality culture is rife, then if a person doesnt fit, for whatever reason then the organisation will find a way to make their life, their ministry, their work unbearable.

To make matters worse, what also then tends to happen is that the abuser, even within a christian culture, will shift the responsibility back on to the person, the victim. Saying things like ‘if you pray more, im sure youll be able to cope’ or ‘if only you tried harder with that person, im sure theyll change eventually’  or ‘why dont you change?’  – in effect the culture and organisation and church maintains its absolved responsibility, and the abused now has it and the situation to deal with.

Also they might be encouraged not to say something, because, it might discredit the ministry of the church or organisation in the town, or make the newspapers, or put someone elses ministry and their future at stake – ‘and that wouldnt be very christian to do’ – so better to suffer alone, and let the bullies win.

Imagine for a moment that you are working for a church, or faith organisation and every indication is that you are being bullied, either emotionally, physically or spiritually by people within it. What are your options? Especially if you are fairly new, or near the bottom of the hierarchical ladder, and even that you are employed in the church – where others in the congregation are givers and financial contributors. What you have is more at stake by voicing a concern, because your ministry and role is at stake. In addition, in most Christian contexts, interpersonal conflicts are done pretty badly, so there is a tangible amount of fear in vocalising something, for fear it wont be treated correctly. And sadly, this has been the case, and continues to be. I know of too many people who had no choice but to leave faith organisations, because they had been hounded out, with no where to turn, when i say too many, one person is too many, and i know more than one. And there neednt be a wait until there are bucketloads to do something about it.

Bullied out of christian ministry, because their face didnt fit, they didnt conform, they asked too many questions or for something else completely. What is sad is that these people have promising lives, ministries and vocations ahead of them, broken by weeks, months and years, of trying to ‘put up with it’, to keep the peace and ‘for the sake of the young people’ keep going. What is more galling, is that the leaders of churches and organisations often get to remain in their roles, maintain platforms and ministries, when they have been responsible for emotional or spiritual abuse of people within their jurisdiction. On top of this the stories are twisted to suit the organisation, that the individual ‘couldnt cope’ or ‘werent cut out for ministry’ – the individual is to blame again. The organisation maintains the power to shape the narrative within the culture. Because admitting collective weaknesses within christian cultures and systems is difficult to admit, and a challenge for all involved to have to work through. It can feel like one small person against a whole church, or organisation or affiliation.

So, if the conversation over the weekend was about the stress that clergy are under, with The Archbishop of Canterbury no less recognising the stress of being a parish priest ( search for this in the Guardian) , and raising not only resilience, but also the culture that causes that stress to the forefront. It is equally worth developing the conversation to include the incidents when it has gone beyond stress and the need for resilience, but it is bullying and abuse, that occurs, it isnt rife, at least I kind of hope it isnt, but there does need to be a conversation raised that it goes on. Because church is not unlike many other organisations, it is of flawed people who seek power and influence and if the paid youthworker, volunteer or even clergy is a threat to this, then confict of the worse kind can result and bullying can occurs.

What this post isnt is the keys to solve the problem. Sadly. There are only pointers.

What persons need to gather is support and counsel around them, who have the power to act, and protect and to represent. But that also determines that a person is given the resources to create their support networks, and that these are validated. It also needs affiliations to challenge destructive behavours, poor governance, and proceudures, and as well create conflict resolution processes that people can trust in situations so that they can make a complaint and know itll be resolved. For too long christian churches and organisations have thought ‘this kind of thing couldnt happen here’ – and when they thought that about child abuse they were felt wanting, and have now put significant policies and procedures in place to protect children. What may have gone under the same radar is christian workplace bullying and the treatment of those who work in churches and christian organisations, where behaviour that is akin to bullying occurs.

I had hoped to end this article with some links to specific groups and organisations that might be able to help, not only the victims, but also the perpetrators to deal with their behaviour. But there isnt any available on the google. If you are a christian and have to deal with bullies (at school) there is plenty. If you’re a christian in a christian ministry being bullied. then the search engine goes quiet.

Sadly, there is no happy ending to this piece. Christian ministry is tough enough. Being bullied out of it can only be horrific for someones dreams, their faith and their identity. They may find home elsewhere, or a different church or employment, but the scars need time to heal.

A reason why youthworkers (and ministers too) leave the church, because church acts like any other workplace ( but often without complaints/grievance procedures or a culture that encourages whistle blowing) , then being Bullied out is also a reality.

Since writing this piece, Youth Work Magazine have asked if i would write a piece on this subject for their magazine, if you or you know of someone who might be able to contribute (anonymously) with an example or story of what happened and its effect, please contact me using the details above. Email is more anonymous. or direct message via twitter or facebook. Thank you

We need to talk about Clergy/Youth worker line management (Part 4) – what to do when it goes wrong

On By JamesIn Context, Discipleship, Youthwork, Youthwork managementLeave a comment

It is easier to talk about the reasons why a line management relationship goes wrong – its more difficult to suggest ways to rectify it!

In parts 1-3 of this management series (links below) I identified a number of these factors. Most of them come down to expectations, and these are widely talked about . However, there are other reasons why the relationship may start to break down, it could be personality, it could be a change in management style – from laissez faire (damaging in itself) to more directive (ok, but the change can be challenging). There can be other complications. Without going over old ground, the breakdown in this relationship is one of the key reasons a youthworker leaves a post. (outside of funding)

So, If its established that there can be issues within your relationship with your line manager (and if you’re a clergy reading this, with your youth worker who you are managing) what can be done to rectify, and reconcile when things start to go wrong… I realise it depends what the situation is.. but these are some of the things that can be put in place to help create a structure that can help before the event of any issues: 

  1. For both Church and Youthworker to establish that a known 3rd person will be given the responsibility of stepping in if needed, but prior to that point they can be the essential professional supervision for the youth worker for them to receive external critical reflective supervision on their practice throughout. If a youthworker tends not to request, ask or suggest this, then they’re turning down opportunities for further learning and reflection, yes as a church you may/will need to pay this, but it will pay off in the long run. This person may not need then be imported in for a crisis, but has been hopefully part of the ongoing conversation and may have been able to suggest, critique, questions and guide the worker through any issues in the ongoing. external supervision is critical!   (If I can be of help to supervise a worker, click the link above and it might be arranged )
  2. Spend time negotiating aspects of the structure of your line management relationship, including venue, frequency, agenda, management style ( directive/coaching/support) , and expectations. All in the first few weeks. In addition decide how feedback will be given, and what the process will be in receiving both positive and challenging criticism (there will be some) and how this will be handled.  Clergy, it is your responsibility to prioritise line managing your youthworker, the more they keep nagging you to meet them, the less committed it feels to them that you are about them, their ministry in your church. Forgive the directness. It needs to be said.
  3.  Have a discussion about time, and what time off, time in lieu, annual leave, working days will all look like, and what ‘time off’ activities are ok. Nothing worse that great youthwork on a sunday evening being overshadowed because the congregation have expectations that the youthworker shouldnt be visiting local pubs, or that their day off it is ok to help at the church fete. This is important.
  4. Can the two of you spend any social time together, that isnt church, or to do with work/ministry- it might be helpful… just a thought?

So, get some of this sorted – what to do when things start to go wrong? 

At the risk of sounding like an amateur relationship counsellor, and I am really not. I am also aware that I have not done these things, when i should have, or done them when i shouldnt. It is worth recognising, if the situation is appropriate to do so, that conflict can be a good thing if it is handled properly. Sometimes conflict can be the ‘storm’ before a new negotiated relationship which can flourish, and I know this is especially thought of in Tuckmans Group stages, sometimes it could be applicable to a one to one relationship, it is widely appropriated in mentoring relationships, so a line management one might not be too different, albeit some of the dynamics might be very different. Just worth trying to find resources and theories from elsewhere or group/mentor processes & changes.

  1. Arrange to talk directly with the person. Where this is possible. Yes each party might have a trusted 3rd person, so the practice supervisor, partner, area minister type person. But subsequent to this, each of you has to take responsibility for the care, nuture and attention to the relationship. What i would suggest is after talking through with someone, then write down on paper your personal reflections of the situation, including what you have felt, and how you would like it to be different. Pray through your reflections, give them a day or so to untangle a bit, and then arrange to meet up and talk about the relationship with the person. This is not going to be easy.  The few days space might help. writing things down will also. Through this kind of conversation, which might be on both sides, then renegotiate the relationship, expectations, guidelines, style of management, and revisit the ‘trigger’ points every few weeks.
  2. Avoid bottling things up, so that the list is very long. Keep short accounts, meet often.
  3. Dont gossip. So dont moan to the rest of the church. Gossip is speaking about the issue to anyone who you have duty of care over, or who is in a lower hierarchical structure to you in the church. With the exception of your spouse/partner.  Dont even gossip like this: Image result for gossip
  4. Avoid demonising the other person, its no excuse for bad practice, or pastoral, personality inadequacies, but its very likely that your line manager hasnt been trained to know what to do. However, if they as a clergy are unable to give you what might be pastoral, educative or spiritual direction (almost the absolute minimum or ‘default’ for a Minister, surely..?) , because of personal rudeness – then this is a more significant issue.  They might not know ‘how to manage you’ . Regardless, demonising them really doesnt help. They are a fallen child of God like you, and you could be two people collaborating on the ongoing task of Gods redemption.
  5. Call in the third party, someone who has been around all throughout, or someone new and independent. That third party might also be able to ask questions, and help solve some of the issues. Though personality clashes, serious breakdowns might be harder to fix.
  6. Dont Compare. There is no such thing as a perfect line manager/clergy relationship. Someone else down the road might be in a bigger church with great resources, but that doesnt mean that their management relationship is anything to write home about.
  7. Try and get a bit of perspective, this is on both sides. There are some issues that require a huge reaction- these are when on either side our personal/vocational dreams and goals havent been met or we’ve been let down. But even then, there is perspective, and will the reaction we give to something cause more damage than what the original issue caused?  Sometimes yes. Sometimes we are right to fly off the handle. We feel injustice, pain or annoyance by being unfairly treated, maligned or how young people are. Image result for fumingThis happens often, very often and its painful. There are ways to pay it forward, to show wisdom, and realise that other people have been socialised in churches to act and speak in such a way, and have got away with it.. no excuses, but often other people wont realise it. none of us are perfect. no not even the youthworker.
  8. You might need to make an official complaint to their boss. So the moderator, Bishop or someone equivalent. Bad luck if you’re in a church where all the power resides with the minister and theres no higher structure that has any influence. It is ok to complain. This is better than gossip, moaning or demonising. Complaining gives it to someone else to act, and shows that you are serious about wanting things to work out with the person. It is a cry for help, and one that shows some maturity. But most of us have no idea who to complain to….

There are no easy suggestions here, because the line management relationship can be frought at times. Both people have expectations, dreams, personalities, might like to manage/be managed in a certain way, have skills, gifts, vision that might all be different to each other, or not find resonance in the space of the church. It is tempting to just forget the line management relationship, given that our relationships with parents, young people and school teachers might be deemed more important. But none of those relationships will be the cause of you leaving a post (unless there is inappropriate behaviour) the relationship with your line manager is likely to cause you to lose more sleep over. For some reason and maybe because of its structural and spiritual importance in the life of the church, it causes more difficulty.

None of any of this is intended to sound as If i have done all this correctly, in similar situations, i really havent. I have been able to help others by being a supervisor to them and discovered that there are so many issues that can be the cause of issues in this relationship. If there isnt a solution, then one of the parties might have to leave. It happens. If the situation causes oppression, damage, pain and degrees of emotional, spiritual, psychological abuse & manipulation, then do seek counselling, do make a complaint and protect yourself, you are more important than your ministry. If this is you reading this, in such a painful situation, then seek help, you are not alone, find a youthworker on social media to talk to, if you dont know anyone, or even send me an email. But seek help, professional help and counselling also. Now for the majority, hopefully it isnt such a difficult situation, but for one or two of you it might be.

Please do share any other ways that the issues in line management relationships can be resolved, and what you have found to be helpful.

 

The Previous three articles in this series are here:

Part 1- Lets start this discussion

Part 2- What to negotiate

Part 3 – Managing expectations

Please do get in touch via the menus above, if I can be of help as a professional supervisor for you.