Learning from the Streets

I did.

Think about the qualities of youth and community workers.

Generally. The ones that aren’t a walking ego in an empire building trip with no self reflection or awareness (the externalisers) are usually in it to change the world and make it a better place for others, the young people or the communities in which they serve. They often think about others before themselves – and van be reflected in poor self care, boundaries, time management and heading towards a number of issues that indicate codependency.

I went to therapy for myself. In the midst of alot of shit going on, unemployment, homelessness, and marriage separation. That was the end of tether that caused me to go. But I wish I had gone alot sooner. Like about 10 years sooner, maybe 15. In one way I realise how much emotional stuff I could hide, or not be aware of during my professional academic development, though its as true to say that the horror of it all was revealed in a big way the week after my graduation.

So thats me. I wonder what it would look like to have youthworkers who see a therapist – as a matter of continued emotional development and growth  – not just for when the proverbial shit has hit the fan.

Self awareness, was said to be one of the key components of being a good youth and community worker. Yet, I was able to hide. Without the keys of professional therapy, which I know I needed to do, and love myself to even go, those doors of emotional self awareness would have stayed firmly shut. I would hope that I didnt do any emotional damage to others, prior to all this, but I also know I could have been much better too.

What about the times when you feel like youre not doing enough? or Imposter syndrome? or how happy you are? or who you are, and how you cope with emotions, changes, reactions and challenges?  Youthworker, you are often doing an awful lot with high demands on your own emotional energy and resources – might that need a boost, space to grow too? 

I know that not everyone has a good experience of therapy, and not everyone can afford it, and I get that, really I do. I could it as a privilege that I have been able to afford two bouts of therapy including trauma therapy in the last 2 years. Some of the benefits to undergoing therapy, as well as the above, include:

1. Getting a professional perspective on the stuff you are dealing with
2. A completely safe space to talk – that isnt going to end up in the prayer meeting or have you wondering who knows
3. Knowledge that the therapist in the main has done the work to then do the work with you.
4. A sense that your therapist is for you. You are their priority and they want you to grow. They might be regarding you, as highly as you might be regarding young people.
5. For me, the process of going was an opportunity to love myself, the process within also did that too.
6. Understanding myself, and also trusting myself in terms of feelings, reactions, and becoming reconnected with my own self.
7. It will model with young people that dealing with stuff thats deep isnt something to be afraid of.
8. When they commend you, for your growth, it is such a lift.

In his book ‘A way of being’ Carl Rogers suggests that there are a number of values that someone who has undergone therapy will also highly regard afterwards

• They move from facades, they tend to be less defensive
• They move away from ‘oughts’ – A compelling feeling for ‘I ought to be doing this, or that, or who they ought to be
• They tend to move away from meeting the expectations of others, and pleasing others is negatively valued. 
• They tend to value being real, being themselves
• Self direction is valued
• Ones self, including feelings are positively valued
• Being a process is valued – becoming even more aware of the process, not a fixation of fixedness (something reflective youthworkers will appreciate im sure) 
• A value of inner and outer experiences, being open and attuned to inner reactions, feelings and emotions all become valued and preferred
• Sensitivity to others is valued, appreciating others and themselves
• Deep relationships with others are positively valued. All of a sudden, if it wasn’t there before, the client has a higher regard for depth, this meets their own deep needs. 

(Carl Rogers, A way of being, 1970)

It might be you read these and think, thats not for me, and that is fine. It may be that you have a preconceived idea of what therapy is or isnt and this might stop you pursuing it. Yes, for me it was about being at rock bottom, and about dealing with past stuff, so I get that I fit the stereotype twice, but, having felt and realised the benefits, I would urge other youth and community workers to consider therapy as an ongoing part of their personal and emotional development.

I was guilty of being theoretically a very good youthworker, but emotionally I was no where close. I was even a good supervisor of other youthworkers, then, but now I have more tools, strategies and awareness of myself for in that space. The same is said of when I have managed people and resources. I would honestly say that I am a vastly different person, and that makes me a vastly different youth and community worker, supervisor and manager as a result.

So for me, I dont put it all down to having undergone therapy. But I would say that I wouldn’t have got to where I am now, as a person, as me, without it. My encouragement is that for us to be the best we can be for the young people and communities, we have to be our best, whole, healed selves. Something in the pattern might have to change, and that might, and could be you. As youth and community workers we have to act as if we are ourselves valuable and not desperate, how on earth might young people realise this for themselves, if we dont model it?

Practice supervision, Spiritual director, life coaching.. might all be very good for you, and absolutely do them, but I just wonder whether professional therapy is whats actually required.. for you.

It’s not selfish to look after yourself, love yourself. Maybe now is the right time.