Learning from the Streets

I can honestly say that all of these affected my youthwork practice, they were going to, they affected my whole life.

The strange thing was that I thought all of these things were normal.

And that there was no way of not having all of these.

But that’s what Trauma did to me.

Thats what being brought up by a psychopath did to me.

So. How did my youthwork suffer?

I avoided risks at times. I became paralysed and stuck in situations, over thinking them to the extreme. I still do this, a bit, but nothing like what I used to do

I feared the worst. I was cynical.

I wanted and needed external validation, from safe people. Yet, avoided the limelight at others. Though, what I also realised that in abusive relationships this didnt happen.

I put others needs ahead of my own, thinking it was Biblical and ethical.., but in fact it was detrimental. The fact is, that I didnt even know my own needs. I couldn’t even articulate them.

I avoided accountability, because I didn’t want someone else to ask me the questions. I had to keep a barrier. And if they did id articulate good theoretical questions out of it

And dont talk about boundaries. I had none. I didnt even know what boundaries until I learned about healthy ministry in 2017, and that was to teach others. I was an open door.

I think in my personal life and relationships the aspects that were also apparent were the non dealing with conflict, low self esteem, shame, and tolerating abusive behaviour from others. That was part of my internalising self, not seeing abuse whilst still in it.

And no I wouldn’t stand up for myself. Couldn’t at times. I felt as though I had nothing to defend or protect. I was there just for others.

Im not going to talk about Codependency here much, but I so though that ‘fixing’ people, ‘rescuing them’, over empathy and trying to meet their needs was normal, and the right thing. My codependency saw this as the place to be happy, writing this now and I realise how trauma was affecting me. But how also my upbringing, and faith, had sustained it too.

(Ive written more on Codependency here, Is Codependancy an issue in Youth Ministry ? )

In my last piece I described how I realised that unhealed trauma affected my youth work. I hope in this piece to share a little bit of how.

What about you, do you recognise any of the aspects above? Can you trace any of your current behaviour on trauma that may need to be healed?

It can be done, trust me on this, and it is definitely worth it, the earlier the better too, dont wait until the life crisis to sort it out, you may well avoid a life crisis by doing so now.

How might trauma be affecting you? The best thing you can do for yourself, your young people, your family, is to deal with you.