Learning from the Streets

For the non football fans, there are two transfer deadline days in the world of football, the last day of august and Jan 31st. A few complicated exceptions aside, this is when all the clubs have to have spent squillions by to assemble their teams for the upcoming season. Its what Sky Sports news lives on with its outside the ground reporters, and its one of the days when BBC live text gets one of its higher ratings. So, footballers get the chance to move around clubs, being signed, sold and loaned to clubs, some last minute and some for extortionate prices, all with the help of football club chairpersons, managers and their agents.

But what would Transfer deadline day look like for Youthworkers? 

So, Imagine that Football Clubs are churches or youthwork organisations

and each Youthworker has their own agent, acting on their behalf.

And there was a mad scramble twice a year for youthworkers in different situations.

Lets start with which kind of youthworkers might attract the highest transfer fees: these ones are a given, youthworkers who;

1. Already with large fan base and could bring them all the church – so is already known and local
2. Has family, and spouse (who can also get involved)
3. Has been known to get young people in quickly
4. Can create lots of interest in the church
5. Great on social media
6. Can do posters
7. Doesnt need medical
8. Can cope with cold office ( the wet night in stoke effect)
9. Does a bit of everything and does what is told
10. Can cope when their manager changes.

Of course in the murky world of football transfers there are conversations between agents and chairpersons/managers, agents touting their clients around, in the youthworker world itd go something like this:

(i imagine in a cockney accent- all football agents are cockneys..?)

‘yeah, Ive got this youthworker right, theyve been a dynamic left winger, and now more on centre ground, works hard, team player, great in the community and will thrill the crowds‘ what do you say – £15K + a house, minibus and 6 weeks holiday?

or

‘this one is a great team captain, takes on all the responsibilities, really looks after the young players, and looking to become manager one day, go on take them on, youve got chance to mould them, give them coaching experience’ – yours for £20K 

or

‘my client, just fresh faced from training school, all enthusiasm, desperate for a game, happy to work in any position, loves a challenge, but might not get on with the older players, slightly too enthusiastic, with tons of ideas – -yours for £15K, though more likely a loan move. 

What would happen if the line managers acted like chairpersons of clubs. When the youthworkers might start being recognised and ‘touted’ for business elsewhere. Dodgy deals over the quiche, increased ‘dinner party attendances at the vicar up the roads’ , extreme shows of pastoral support ‘oh no, we dont want you here, just want to listen and help, if you’re not liking your current role’ . Things start getting shady in the prayer time, when the ‘whatever your will, Lord’ prayers start. When neighbouring vicars go on the head hunt, they go with more than quiche.

But if tapping up did happen in the youth work world, what about the negotiation of transfer fees between churches for youthworkers. Maybe that would increase salaries… (hahahahaha)

Then theres the announcement of signings, no its not the local paper, on twitter, or the short video clip, or the keepy ups in front of a crowd (though this can go horribly wrong: http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/41083170)  no the ‘new signing’ for the church gets to ‘go to the front’ of a service. And may even get a sentence in the notice sheet. All very low key. They might even get a ‘hand of fellowship’ or coffee and conversation. They might get introduced to the new stadium theyll be playing in, and meet their often bedraggled team of volunteers, and a few of the juniors to coach.

But what happens if a manager wanted to ‘off load’ a youthworker to a different club (err church) – what would their tactics be? Show them brochures of ‘the back page of youthwork magazine’ or tout around other local churches to see if they could ‘negotiate’ a deal to pass them on? Of course no one would want a player to be sticking around, the proverbrial ‘rotting in the reserves’ but they could be your know forced to help at toddlers, instead of doing youth club. Especially if a new player, who plays in the same position can be signed. But lets not dwell too much there.

Today there’d be a mad scramble for the remaining or disgruntled ‘talent’ in the youthwork pool, so churches or organisations can fill their empty positions ready for the new term. And the sound of helicopters taking youthworkers all over the country, arriving at airports and rumours on twitter that St Annes of Felixstowe is getting Bob smith from Preston, or Cheltenham YMCA has put in a late swoop to Bob Smith, and upping the price, adding £500 and a days holiday to what St Annes are, oh and a guarantee of 2 years in the same position. Transfer deadline for youth workers could get nasty.

Could it take off..? If so, we might end up in 5 years with the first £30,000K a year youthworker, how scandalous would that be, what with the new ‘living wage deal’.

just imagine…

(all names accidental, hoping there isnt a Bob smith, St Annes or Cheltenham YMCA…)